There are few more disorienting and traumatic experiences in a person’s life than discovering that your intimate partner has betrayed you. Not only are you finding out about unfaithful behaviors, but also how your partner has lied and manipulated to keep you from finding out. Many have expressed the sentiment that, “it’s not just the crime that is awful, but sometimes worse, the cover-up!” Having the truth “trickle out” over time or having to drag it out of your partner compounds the pain and trauma. They often end up with knowing details that aren’t just unhelpful, but some that are so graphic that they are now “unable to unknow it.”

Many people feel loneliness and shame because they don’t have a safe support system to turn to. It may or may not be wise for you to share your grief with family and friends if you are still in the relationship trying to decide if you want to stay or go. One of our clients told us, “Nobody brings you a casserole when you are suffering from betrayal.”

A therapeutic disclosure, done properly and with specifically trained clinicians, will minimize the pain and help you gain an understanding of what happened and a shared history of your relationship. Both partners receiving experienced guidance and support allows the truth to come out so that the betrayed partner can be empowered and the betraying partner can lay down the lies that have been kept secret. Only then will the couple have the opportunity to work toward rebuilding trust and safety in the relationship.